If you want to write a dumb little story with a dumb little plot and ridiculously silly characters. No one’s stopping you. Genuinely, no one should be allowed to stop you. Write that dumb story with your whole heart and don’t hold back.
ok the dumb little story turned into a lot of work why does this always happen
me and my friend jessie are physically incapable of having a normal fucking conversation so things happen where we accidently end up rping a dude bro trying to hit on me, an ordinary woman who is not a snake
So there are some perks to living in a tourist destination. There are a lot of detractors mostly that you cannot shoot the tourists because you rely on them for your income but you have a semi captive audience with no context for any of the bullshit you spew. You can tell these people anything and they will believe you, the trusted friendly local. Now this is a very much Spider-Man situation where Great Power begets Great Audacity and even worse Responsibility.
My buddy goes on a run and when hes done there is a bar near a creek. So he wades into the creek because the day is hot and the water is cold.
Tourists ask what hes up to, with his running stuff he didn’t want wet piled on the shore and him very obviously cooling off in the water. He says he’s fishing.
But now here is why I am telling you this story. The universe occasionally aligns in such a way that we get to really really fuck with people and their perception of said universe. The opportunities do not come often and when they come you must seize the day. This is what my buddy did.
So this Creek runs through town and as a result of the highway and neighborhoods and culverts and roads it does not have a great salmon run. It’s a short Creek the headwaters are only a few miles from the ocean it never had a great salmon run to begin with. But there are salmon.
One such fish brushes past my buddy’s leg. Immediately he knees the fish like he is juggling a soccer ball and pops it out of the water, then slaps it out of the air on to the shore.
This is dumb luck. He could not do this again if he spent years training. Noodling (catching fish with your hands) is a thing that is legal to do with salmon but it is so much harder than literally every other way to catch salmon, including grabbing them with a garbage can. What he just managed is the kind of thing that should make you want to grab the fish and swing it around your head like a stripper with her panties off.
But,
He has an audience.
This is the opportunity offered by the universe.
He plays it cool.
He puts on dead pan straight face on and wades up to shore to grab his fish and nod to the tourists. Someone asks something and he assures them this is the standard way to get a quick dinner here. The tour guide has caught up with his group. He looks at my buddy and his fish and the general lack of fishing accoutrement. Without missing a beat, the guide backs up every ounce of bullshit out of my buddys mouth because if there is one true fraternity it is locals bullshitting stupid tourists.
i’m just saying aragorn son of arathorn oh im sorry STRIDER (one of them rangers what his right name is i never heard etc etc) didn’t need to be that sexy at the prancing pony. like ostensibly he’s trying to lay low but even dipshit little [relatively] eighteen y/o frodo is like hey what’s the deal with that extremely ostentatiously sexy man in the corner
“you draw far too much attention to yourself ‘mister underhill’” if i were frodo i wouldve snapped. jesus christ. i can’t help that i’m two feet shorter than everyone else in this definitely definitely 100% a gay bar but at least i didn’t lurk in a sexy corner making eyes at everybody from under my cloak at least im TRYING to pretend i’m not a protagonist you fine ass idiot. i KNOW i’m being pursued by the black riders which is why i didn’t SERVE CUNT from the SHADOWS. the fellowship of the nerve of this bitch
Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like “posts that a gnome would make” or like “are you a phone”
The notes on this post are just filled to the brim with the society-killing US chest-thumping of ‘HOW DARE YOU ASK SOMETHING OF ME IN MY OWN HOUSE???????‘ and just like… you guys do understand this is why you had Trump, right? Because all of you feel this way about each other?
Like, you are all aware that this is exactly exactly exactly how right wing people feel about being asked to use pronouns? “You want me to change MY behavior just to benefit YOU? FUCK YOU. I WOULD RATHER CALL YOU THE WRONG NAME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE THAN BEND TO YOUR WILL.“ But hey. Lawnmower go brrrr, right? Based? The person asking for courtesy was the one being rude?
On reddit, I would expect this, but I’m surprised to see it on tumblr because like… this is the queer website? We care about each other here? Sometimes I feel like some of you are only right by coincidence and not by conviction or principle.
Maybe it’s because I’m from a third-world country, but in my eyes lawnmower man is such a gigantic cunt I cannot even believe my eyes reading this story. Part of being in a community, even a tiny, ad hoc one like a neighborhood is recognising that there are parts of our spaces that overlap, and we give and take from those spaces in equal measure. In my neighborhood, that means my neighbors are allowed to stay up until 3 AM partying if they want. You won’t hear a peep from me unless you’re doing it every night. I party too, and we both understand each other. It means my neighbor’s kids can play the drums and ride their very loud motorcycle outside. I have my own loud hobbies, and we all respect each other. And if you leave a note on my door asking me to be quiet while you have your WEDDING? Of course man, no problem! I hope it’s a sunny day and the ceremony is beautiful! I know that if I ever need anything, you will help me out as well.
I mean come on, people. Are you seriously searing over one afternoon of your life? That is such a reasonable request. You were probably being quiet anyway! Stop trying to be the main character and build connections with the people around you. Being nice costs nothing and will only bring you gains. How else do you expect people to be respectful and kind to you, if not in return?
“Stop trying to be the main character and build connections with the people around you.”
You’re missing the problem. The fanciest house on the street (by a mile) who is throwing a big party and asking everyone to shut up for their party is a pretentious rich asshole. Generally neighborhoods have houses that are within the same price range, and while there’s a couple ways to do it, but the most common is bulldozing an existing house and building up a much much bigger house. (It’s like gentrification but for suburbs, they buy smaller cheap house (often with more yard and closer to the city) and replace them with grand houses. It is not gentrification, most everyone is white. You just get ‘rich’ houses among the very much not-rich houses.)
The fanciest house is trying to set up an HOA or making the HOA way more strict. The fanciest house is the one who calls the cops on your 3AM parities, they file noise nuisance complaints when your neighbor’s kid plays the drums, they figure out who has the noisy motorcycle and report them (for something). You don’t live in a house that out-fancies every house in the neighborhood.
That guy mowing his lawn is being a jerk, but he’s also protesting the only way he can
For context, when my friends got married in their backyard, they gave their neighbours two week’s notice, apologised for the noise, and had cupcakes in the driveway (for anyone who could hear the celebrations but wasn’t invited).
All their neighbours parked in the back alleys so the married couple could have extra street parking.
Being a good neighbour goes both ways.
[image: tweet by barbarikkizzle: “Fanciest house on our street (by a mile) put a note in all our letterboxes asking us to be very quiet from 2pm today for a backyard wedding and tbh I’m in awe of my neighbour who whipped out the lawnmower at 2pm on the dot”]
